JENNY | As women, I think most, if not all of us are striving for perfection, whether we are aware of it or not. To the mother in me who wants to make sure Sienna she gets balanced meals, enough sleep, and that I am equal amounts of discipline and love, that I am present when I am with her and not playing with my phone or worrying about other things.
To the photographer in me who is constantly worrying if I am delivering well enough for my clients.
To the wife in me who lays awake in bed some nights praying if I am serving and supporting my husband enough. Or if I was too stubborn or prideful the other day.
To the woman in me who tries to achieve this thing called ‘work life balance’ (its a myth by the way. You will always be doing some things well, and some things not).
Haven’t we all been here? I know I have.
Even as I write this caption, I’ve had writers block for 2 weeks. There has been so much noise in the silence lately that it has been hard finding the right words. You see, I WANT them to impact. I want them to be received well. I WANT them to make a difference. I worry, what if no one cares? what if the words chosen aren’t interesting enough? Or profound enough? This in itself, I realised, is also striving of perfection, even with GOOD intentions. So I’ve decided to scrap it. And instead, share about the process behind this post instead. It is rough, and a little messy. But I am okay with that :)
Now before any of you rush towards me and asks – but is it not a good thing to strive for the best? To them I will answer – It isn’t a bad thing to want to be or give the best. But sometimes, it can become so when it gives you anxiety. When it consumes all your thoughts, time, and energy. When it stops you dead in your tracks and inhibits your ability to even want to try moving forward. When it becomes everything to you.
So please, allow yourself those days of stumbling, of figuring things out, and of I-don’t-have-it-all-together. Just don’t let it consume you. And ESPECIALLY don’t let it define you. I say this because there is also the culture and wave of extreme celebrations of failures these days as well. And sometimes that is all some people talk about. And while that is also totally okay to make mistakes (none of us are perfect!!), I also have never believed in indulging in it or letting it define who you are. You see, progress isn’t always a momentum straight line ahead. Progress can also look like two steps backwards and one step forward. Sometimes progress is letting unfinished be okay.